I have been post-poning (a little pun, there) this post for almost four months now. The last post I wrote was to document Kellan's first birthday in November 2009. Today is April 18, 2010. Why so long between posts? I suppose I thought my blog would always be about our day-to-day lives, as mundane as the days might be, and celebrating the milestones that we reach in our children's lives, starting with Logan of course when I first began this blog.
Then along came Christmas Day, 2009. I can't say that it started out like all other recent Christmases, because it certainly did not. The Oklahoma City metro area received a record amount of snow which began on Christmas eve. This was the view from our front door on Christmas eve.
It's not often that we receive a white Christmas in Oklahoma, but I must admit that I wasn't able to fully appreciate it as my mind turned to the logistics of the day and what would have to change because of the snow. I think on Christmas eve, my parents had already decided to stay home and not venture to our house on Christmas as originally planned. I assumed my in-laws would also play it safe, but on Christmas morning, as we were finishing up our breakfast after unwrapping Santa and family gifts, I discovered that they were actually on their way to our house (we're about 30-40 miles apart). I had even dressed in sweatpants that day, anticipating spending the day with only my husband and children. I found myself saying a prayer that everyone would stay safe as I scrambled to get the house in order for the visit.
I was quite concerned for my in-laws' safety; my MIL and FIL both morbidly obese, and my brother-in-law's family with two young children. The local news channels were reporting multiple cars and people stranded on the roadways. I imagined my in-laws slipping and falling, or trying to shovel snow to get out of their neighborhood, or getting stranded and not being able to get to a safe, warm place. My damned runaway imagination went through so many possible scenarios. I admittedly got angry that they were endangering their lives to come to our house. But thankfully, everyone made it to our house safely, hubby and his brother shoveled our driveway in advance of their parents' arrival, and presents were unloaded. We ate lunch first (much to the chagrin of the anxious kids), and then unwrapped gifts.
Overall it was an enjoyable time. The only downer was a tagalong relative-of-a-relative who wasn't appreciative of most of his gifts. But we tried not to let him prevent the rest of us from enjoying the afternoon.
We all enjoyed our new gifts and chatted for a little while, and then it came time for everyone to leave so they could get home well before dark, and because Justin's brother had to go to work (he's a security guard at a local casino). We packed up all the gifts and I made sure my in-laws didn't need anything else before I said my final goodbye through the garage and shut the garage door.
At about 4:30, the phone rang. The caller ID showed an unfamiliar name and number. The caller asked if we were Donna and Bear's family and of course I replied yes; he told me he was their neighbor across the street and that we needed to get to their house right away. He said that Bear had fallen and he wasn't sure of his condition. I told him that it wouldn't be easy because we lived in Yukon, but that I would try to get somebody over there soon, and we hung up. I reiterated the story to Justin and we debated what to do; I couldn't get ahold of Donna at their house or on her cell phone. We did call his sister-in-law, but Justin's brother was already at work, and he had their car, so she couldn't get over there (they live only a few miles from the in-laws). Keep in mind that at this point, we thought it was just a fall and that there wasn't much we could do. Justin at 170 pounds would not be much help to a 400-lb.+ man who had fallen, not to mention that it would take a long time for him to get there (at least 40 minutes even without the snow). We were hoping that rescue personnel were there and were helping them. But he put on some warm clothes, we gathered some blankets, and he left for his parents' house. Now I was much more concerned because yet another loved one was out on the treacherous roads. I continued trying to reach Donna. Finally she called; I think it was an hour later. I asked her what was happening and she said, "He's gone, Adrienne, he's dead." I didn't know what to say -- I told her that -- and then she had to go. I called the neighbor who had made the initial call -- maybe she was just confused, I remember thinking --but he confirmed it. I cried to the neighbor (poor soul, getting wrapped up in all of this just because of his proximity) that I had been afraid something like this would happen and how I had tried to convince them to stay home. Sobbing by then, I called my sister-in-law to tell her, and of course she was just as shocked as I was.
Now, I had a very difficult decision to make. Justin was still driving to their house. There was no way for me to know how far he was from arriving. Should I call and tell him, or let him wait until he arrived and find out from someone else, probably a stranger? I hated to do it, but I decided to call and tell him; so now he was upset AND driving in horrible conditions. (In hindsight, what I should have done is to tell him to call me when he arrived but before he got out of the truck.) I was so worried that the shock of the news would cause him to have an accident or that he wouldn't be able to drive as carefully, so I was extremely relieved when he arrived safely. In the meantime, my SIL called her husband's (J's brother) boss to let him know; he was relieved from work and also went over there. Justin offered to stay the night at his mom's house, but she just wanted to be alone, so he left after the funeral home personnel finished their jobs and his mother was somewhat set up for the night. And once again, I was extremely relieved when he arrived back home safely.
So, the next week was spent preparing for the funeral and trying to support Justin's mother and be there for her. I was off work so I had some time to gather pictures and put together the slide show (which was sooo not how I had wanted to spend Christmas break). Justin went with his mother to plan the services, which were actually not held until after the first of the year. I could write more about that, or about what transpired to cause his death, but maybe another time, or maybe not at all.
What I will say is that Bear loved Christmas and enjoyed watching his family open their gifts; it was clear he had thought carefully about each gift and its recipient. And as I thought more about that day and looked back on it, I was grateful that they made the decision to spend Christmas with us and their grandchildren. I think what happened would have happened regardless, so if they had stayed home, we would have missed that last Christmas with him. So at least we have those memories to get us through future Christmases (and even a few photos). And it sure makes me rethink how I approach someone around any holiday -- the innocent question, "Did you have a nice Christmas?", will no longer have a simple answer for Bear's family. So I ask that you hug your loved ones, make sure they know you love them, and if you need to make changes in your lifestyle to try to stick around longer for them -- do it! (Bear's sister died less than 6 weeks before he did; and a brother died two weeks ago.)
Now I hope to get back to the mundane, day-in-the-life posts, and milestone celebratory posts, to which I had been accustomed. Logan's 4th birthday might be next. Stay tuned.
